‘He’s here all the time, in dad’s black chair, and he eats all the Sugar Puffs and kisses Mum with tongues, which is gross, and she could catch glandular fever or MRSA off him. Big Lauren says she has seen an MRSA once, it was green and the size of a Rolo. But she also says she has met a vampire, which I know for a fact is a total lie. Anyway, the point is, he will never not be here now. Every time I come home from the park or from school, he’ll be here. Just sitting in Dad’s black chair. And if Dave’s in the black chair, it means Dad can’t come home. So now I know who my mortal enemy is. It’s Dave…'

(Selected for the Richard and Judy Children’s Book Club 2011)

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